Here we go again...I will stop at this point apologizing for lack of posting, just expect it, lol. So to catch you up, we joined a gym...the whole family. It is nice to not be the only one exercising this time. But this time for some reason it is much harder for me. I know that the weight does not fall off over night, and I know I will not see huge results in one week, but I have to say I was very discouraged to see my weight go up after the first week and continue to do so this week, (week number 2). I don't know what is different this time, what I am doing wrong or what the hell is going on.
I remember back in 2008, I was kicking ass and taking names at this whole weight loss and exercise deal. In 6 months, I lost 50 lbs! I was running and walking and loving it! I ate what a wanted, (in smaller portions) and was feeling good and looking great. Then when I stopped running, I just didn't get back into it. And the diet, well that went to hell in a hand basket, too. So I know why I gained a lot of weight back. But what I don't get it why I am having such a hard time losing it this time.
We were walking a while back, and a lot of it...I would lose a pound, gain 2. Over and over...what the heck? Really? OK, so walking by itself wasn't doing it for me this time. Maybe it has something to do with quitting smoking and being a medication that I was not on last time. I don't know. But I do know this: If one more person tells me that it will just eventually "fall" off when I least expect it, I will drop kick them...true story. Have you ever seen someone's weight just fall off? I didn't think so.
I see myself in the mirror and I don't like what is there. I see myself just pounds away from my old self in 2008 and that alone is enough to scare me. I cannot go back there, but yet I can't seem to stop it. I know, I know, I am in control of my own body...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! I am serious here folks...there has to be a trick to this. Something that will signal the body and tell it that I am trying and it needs to cooperate! Gezzz!
I have been trying to eat better, honest and true! But what makes it hard is that the others in my house are continuing to eat the same way they always have. It makes it harder for me to be compliant when they have made no changes them selves. The kids are not over weight and probably fine, for now...but I don't want it to catch up to them later. My husband is not really over weight at all. He has started to get that typical middle aged man belly, but that is all, and that will go away with the exercise we are doing. He has gained some weight, but he is not over weight. But they all need try and eat a little healthier for their own good. Bonus, it would make it a little easier for me, lol.
I spoke with a trainer that we know from the gym, he recommend I do the 5-6 small meals a day thing, woohoo! I am so excited, can you tell! Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. Eat small frequent meals, (which is not as easy as it sounds) and exercise like crazy to stay healthy? God forbid if I want a piece of cheesecake someday, or gout and enjoy a nice meal on a date with husband. I may have to run a marathon that day to keep from gaining a new ass from it. I know food is not a reward, it should just simply be something our bodies need to keep going. But why in the hell do they have to make such yummy things?!?!?!
To me, this is the beginning to an end...an end to enjoy the same meal with my family. The end to enjoying any type of dessert or the occasional greasy spoon dive. Not that those are necessarily things I need, but once in a while would be fabulous. I wish I knew how to get out of the mind frame that food is good. I wish I could make it seem more like a chore, then I might succeed better. Maybe hypnosis telling me food tastes bad...something!
I know I sound like a chronic complainer, but I think I deserve it to be honest. Besides these changes, I still have to make the food my family eats, but I have to pass on most of it. I have to listen to them at the gym talk about how they have gone further than me. And I by no means think they are trying to be mean, they are just competitive by nature and I don't think they realize how sometimes it hurts my feelings to have them says things like I went a mile longer than you, or at my pace I am a lap ahead. It really gets to me at times because like I said before, I was doing that well a few years ago. Oh well, that is life. You roll with or just let it take you down. I am sure this will all start to work for me, but until then, it will be a very tough road. I just hope I don't get lost along the way. Wish me luck.